From Her Perspective

First Date Etiquette

A friend of mine recently went out on a first date with a guy who admitted that he wasn’t so familiar with the dating scene. Having had long-term girlfriends during most of his “dating” years, he found himself in the dark at the end of their date and a looming question hanging over his head — was it appropriate to kiss her goodnight? Should he ask to see her again? Or should he just play it cool, say he had a good time and leave?

This got me thinking — maybe there are other guys out there who are wondering about first date etiquette. Maybe these same guys would be interested in knowing, from a woman’s point of view, what we’re hoping happens on the date, from beginning to end.

First dates are very important. The famous saying, first impressions are everything, couldn’t be more true. This is your first, and could be your only, opportunity to show her what you’re all about — namely that you’re caring, considerate, attentive, fun, interesting…you see where I’m going with this.
When planning the date, try to chose something you think she would be interested in doing. If you know your future date is an adventurous girl, you might want to take her to an amusement park where you can ride the very large, very scary roller coaster. As you can see by my description of the roller coaster, I’m not a girl who would enjoy that date, but there are many who would.

If she’s into sports, you could take her to the batting cages or to play miniature golf. If she beats you, be a good sport. She could just be the match for you! If she’s an outdoorsy person and the weather’s nice, take her hiking. Places like Breakheart Reservation in Saugus/Wakefield offers weekend hikes. Or you could take a drive out to Mt. Wachusett and hike up the mountain and be rewarded with the gorgeous view. It’s worth climbing up that very large, very long hill, I promise you.

If you’re looking for something chill but fun and she likes both beer and pool, I recommend taking her to Big City in Allston. As I’m sure many of you already know, Big City has more beer on tap than you’ll ever be able to try in a lifetime and an array of pool tables.

For a more intimate, different setting I recommend heading into Cambridge and going to the Enormous Room on Mass Ave. Filled with couches and platforms covered with tapestry and pillows, the bar is the perfect place to have a few drinks (hint: martinis are really good there) and get to know one another. A guy took me there on a first date once, and although he later turned out to be psycho, it was, I have to admit, a great first date.

Then, of course, there are the tried and true dates that are always good which include going to dinner, going to a movie, going to any sports game including North Shore Sprit, Red Sox, Brockton Rockets, Boston Cannons, Boston Celtics, Patriots…even the New England Revolution.

Now, while you’re on the date I would recommend opening doors, including car doors. I know there was that women’s liberation movement, but many of us still appreciate a man who will open the door and take our coat.

Making conversation on the first date is key. For many women being intellectually stimulated is more of a turn on than physical attraction, so be open and honest. Tell her about yourself, funny stories from your childhood or your crazy college antics and ask her to tell you about herself.

This is probably where you’ll figure out if you’re really connecting, if it’s just a one time thing and you’re never going to call her again or if you need a second date to figure it all out because you’re so nervous you’re not listening to a word she’s saying. Could happen right?

Now the big question — to kiss or not to kiss? I think, unfortunately, this is going to depend on the girl and the situation. So, I’m going to recommend something crazy — don’t give her a kiss on the lips the first date. Instead, give her a kiss on the cheek, tell her you had a great time and would like to see her again, give her a hug and go home. Then call her in, let’s say, two days and ask her out again.

I’m giving this recommendation for two reasons — first, because if it’s hard to tell whether or not she’s a girl who enjoys a first date kiss this saves you from ruining your chances if it turns out she’s more reserved. Secondly, it also puts her off balance and will have her wondering about you for the next few days until you call, which is good for you.

It might even make her want you more. We always want what we can’t have.