From Her Perspective

By Elisa Zawadzkas

Ezawadzkas@yahoo.com

I have had a lot of male friends over the years, and far too many times I have heard the sob stories of their failure to score with women because they are the “Nice Guy.” So I am here today to tell you what I have told numerous frustrated lost souls who, time after time, lose the chick to the “jerk” and for the life of them can’t understand why. Pay attention, for what I am about to share with you are pearls straight from the psyche of whom you desire- the woman.

First of all, Nice Guys, I’m writing this for you. Listen up soldier. Why do I bother? One, because I feel bad for you. Two, I want to offer you insight and understanding to help dispense with common misconceptions. Three, truth be told, despite what you may think, girls really do want a nice guy, but you’ve got to buck up!!

For almost all Nice Guys, the most rejections occur at the bar/party scene, correct? This is the thing: the bar scene is a game. And some people know how to play the game and some don’t. Being able to play the game leads to “scoring”; hence the title “player” given to those who are best at it. Players exuberate an incredible amount of confidence (if it’s liquid confidence from their fifth Long Island Ice Tea, so be it). As you’ve heard a million times, girls love confidence. Players love to flirt, know the right thing to say, and aren’t afraid of rejection. Believe it or not, Players get rejected quite a bit; you just don’t hear about those times. Instead, we only hear their success stories.

This is the thing that might surprise many of you men: women recognize Players a mile away. So why, do you ask, if a woman can see through that act, do they even give players the time of day? Well, some women don’t; those women are usually in a relationship or sober. But for the others, the men aren’t the only Players in this crazy game of love. Women are players too. Don’t get me wrong, we all want good, respectable, “marriage-material” men. But when it’s Friday night, woman have the same mind-set as guys: it’s game time. We want to show off our new jeans and hot tops, have fun with the girls, dance, let loose, and, of course, play the bar scene game of swapping smiles and, who knows, maybe a little spit.

So yes, we talk to the Players, but only because they are the ones buying the drinks and approaching us. It’s easier. Plus they are easier to approach. But nice guys interpret that as us always wanting Players, which isn’t always the case. Most of the time it’s just convenient; truth be told, we’d much rather be talking to the nice guy. We respect the nice guy, but we don’t always respect the Player. The Players are fun though, and often cute. So yeah, maybe the Player does shine in the bar scene based on those criteria. So what? Is that really something to be proud of? What does that get him besides an empty wallet, a bad hangover, and a chick’s number he will never dial? All that proves is that he is frivolous with his money, is a smooth talker, and has no shame. Nice Guys: you don’t want to be like that! Here are four tips to help you in your quest.

Tip #1 - Do Not Envy the Player

So many guys love the man’s man who gets all the ladies and want to be more like him. (Ever seen What Woman Want? If not, watch it. It’s right on point.) Resist that temptation! Girls don’t want the Player, nor do we respect him…ok, maybe we do want him for a night. But Nice Guys, you have so much more to offer. Plus, girls see right through pathetic attempts to emulate a guy friend. A lot of Nice Guys are much better catches than your average Player; they just don’t realize it and put their Player buddy up on this (completely undeserved) pedestal.

Tip #2 - Grow Some Balls

Nice guys with balls are every woman’s dream. Offer to buy a woman a drink. Compliment her; your sincerity will go a long way. And if you’re a little awkward about it, no worries. It will work to your advantage. Women will find a little nervousness endearing, and it is obvious evidence that you are not a Player. A drink purchased by a nice guy is 100% more flattering than one bought by a Player.

Tip #3 - Drinking More Will Not Help You Score

The saddest thing to watch is the Nice Guy gone bad in a desperate, final attempt to score. You all know that guy, right? Women love this guy because he will be the one who won’t contribute to the crude male conversation over what they would like to do with the Olsen twins and will glance at the (offended) girl in the room with a look that says, “Sorry about my friends, but we both know I’m not like them.” But when he comes back from the bathroom and finds this girl making out with another guy, the metamorphosis occurs. The nice guy convinces himself that girls want jerks so that’s what he decides to be. So with the help of five straight shots, Sober Nice Guy becomes Crude Rude Obnoxious Wasted Guy. But Nice Guys, you’re not fooling anyone. Now you’re just a Nice Guy with a drinking problem. The Nice Guy who turns sloppy and mean is not going home with anyone but the toilet bowl.

Tip #4 - If You Really Just Want to Score- Try the Pity Card

One approach that seems to be surprisingly effective for the Nice Guy is the pity card. Woman love to be nurturing, it’s in our genes; recognizing that will help you into our jeans. Nice Guy, if you can find yourself a compassionate ear (hint: buy her a few drinks) you might be able to get what you are looking for with an “I’m not good w/ girls. I’m too shy” line. Show some sincerity and be sure not to lay it on TOO thick and you’re golden. A lot of girls will deny that this will work, but trust me, I’ve seen it

Nice Guys, I hope this has given you a little insight. Now it’s up to you. Don’t feel unloved by women, or jealous of the players. You’re the ones we want, but you have to go out and get us!