From Her Perspective
First Dates
Generally, I’m not a big dater. I tend to only go on dates with guys that end up being my boyfriends. Although I maintain that this is because I am choosy, it may actually be because the only people who ask me out on dates are guys I then force to be my boyfriends afterward. Of course first dates can be scary – I prefer to think of them as excuses to get drunk and make out but, like I said, I generally only go on dates with guys I am really into.
That said, I have gone on a few first dates that have been only that – first dates. It’s weird, I’ve never gone on a first date that didn’t go well due to lack of spark – it’s inevitable that this would happen, but my dates were so few and far between this was never an issue – I was so horny at this point I was willing to spoon with anything – rather, something completely horrible happened. It is important, however, to talk about what we learn from these trainwrecks, as there is always a lesson in everything…
My worst date took place a few years ago. He was tall (SO important to a girl who is 5’10” in Munchkinland), handsome, sweet and smart. We met for drinks, because I refuse to go to dinner on a first date, it’s so awkward for me, and although he wasn’t pounding them back, I figured he was just being gentlemanly. He was quieter than when we first met and, actually, a little pale-looking. Eventually, he reveals that he isn’t feeling well. I wonder why he didn’t just postpone, but whatever. I’m such a hot piece that he probably didn’t want to wait. So I tell him we should go home, and hop in a cab. He lived about three minutes away from me, so I figured that when he got out with me, he was again being a gentleman and walking me to my door. But when he got to my apartment, he instead asked to use the bathroom. Which he did. For 45 minutes. Needless to say, after he emerged, we waved good-bye and I never saw him again. Lesson to be learned: If you are feeling ill, especially that kind of ill, please stay home. And if you are out on a date and feeling this way, please relieve yourself at your own house – especially if you live one street away.
A few years before that, I was set up with a guy who needed a date to a formal. I was in college and hadn’t been to anything like that before so I figured it would be fun. And it was, I guess. I mean, the guy was nice enough, he was pretty cute and funny, and I figured that our chaste kiss in the front seat of his car would ultimately lead to a full-on makeout that weekend after the bar. Until I heard from several people who were not my friends that he was telling everyone that I did kiss him in the front seat, but not on the lips. And that I did it in front of all of his friends because I was so into it. Again, finding out about this story proved to be embarrassing for him when I confronted him in class about what happened and he spent the rest of the year sitting alone because no girls would talk to him. Lesson to be learned: If you are going to be a total sleaze, at least be discreet about it.
This last story happened more recently. And fine, it actually happened to my friend. But I feel like the crime committed was so bad that it needs attention. My friend went out with this guy who kept talking about his roommate, and how it would be really awesome if she went over his house because his roommate wasn’t home that night, so they could be alone. Turns out, his roommate was his mother. Lesson to be learned: If you live with your parents, fine. But be honest about it.
It can be scary to go on a first date. You never really know what you’re going to get. You could be meeting the person of your dreams, or you could be stuck with the guy who throws the girl with mental retardation of the bar. Since you guys are the ones who are mostly stuck with doing a good job while we sit and look delicate, hopefully these stories will resonate and scare you into good behavior. Because girls’ memories are long, and you don’t want your embarrassing mistakes ending up on the pages of the best newspaper in town…