From Her Perspective

Yeah, yeah, I know.  You guys all have huge dicks.  And you can make a girl come just by looking at her.  And every girl you’ve been with has wanted to do every dirty thing you have ever fantasized about with a minimum amount of cajoling and beer.  Riiiiiight.  You’re good, but you’re not that good. 

You are all that is man, but sometimes a girl needs something more.  And since Valentine’s Day is right around the corner, maybe it’s a good time to talk about the best present you could possibly give a woman.  No, not a deep fryer or a diamond-encrusted tiara.  I’m talking about vibrators, kids.  The BOB (battery-operated boyfriend).  It’s what gets single girls through the lonely nights without getting Carpal Tunnel Syndrome and what smart guys know how to utilize to get awesome sex that guarantees a happy ending for her.  Vibrators are pretty much the greatest invention known to women.  I am not kidding.  A vibrator doesn’t talk back, doesn’t make you reciprocate, and gives you a top-ten orgasm in under seven minutes.  Just kidding, we love doing it back to you.  Really.

Now, you may not have the type of girl who would initially think this is a good gift, so if you are dating a prude or a weirdo, this article may not be for you… but I can guarantee that introducing a vibrator into your bedroom (or wherever else you want to keep it, sickos) will improve your sex life tenfold. 

When thinking about purchasing a vibrator, if your girl doesn’t already have one, you have to consider a couple of things.  Firstly, does your girl prefer to be stimulated clitorally or vaginally?  Or does she respond to both?  Since most girls have a harder time coming without clitoral stimulation (ha, that sounds extremely scientific, good thing I’m here to teach you guys), the best bet is to get one that works both areas.  You’ve all heard about The Rabbit.  It’s pricey, but there is a reason it was featured on the Bible of all Chick Television Shows, Sex and the City.  Because it’s the best.  I would stay away from those giant pulsating dildo-looking things, personally, because they are totally scary and don’t work as well. 

If you want to start small, “pocket rockets” are an excellent way to begin.  They’re little, they’re usually in the shape of a cute woodland creature, and they work.  Sometimes you can get these with a remote control, and if that option is available, I would go for it.  This way, you can control the speed and pressure and there is the added element of surprise for her since she won’t know what is coming next.  And that’s hot. 

Okay, so now you have your brand new toy.  What next?  Introducing it into your routine may be a bit embarrassing for her, so try letting her use it at first.  This way, she can figure out what she likes and how she likes it and, let’s face it, you know you love nothing more than watching a girl get herself off.  It’s also nice for you to be semi-involved in the most intense orgasms she’s ever had in her life. 

Vibrators can also be helpful when it comes to the more complicated positions you hornballs love so much that give us absolutely no pleasure whatsoever.  I know you know what I’m talking about.  But with a vibrator, you can do your thing while she does hers and everybody wins.  The little ones are also very useful during sex if your girl has a hard time getting off that way, which is something lots of girls struggle with.  Just slip it over that happy place, and she’ll be screaming like you are the sex god you tell all of your friends you are. 

So, yeah, vibrators.  Basically, they’re awesome.  Use them.  Oh, and don’t forget – wash it with dish soap after you use it.  It’s important to keep clean.  And don’t be a goon and try to use it on yourself to see what it feels like.  It’s not the same; it’s for her, leave it alone.  Have fun!