From Her Perspective

My first double date took place in college.  I was desperately in love with my friend’s best friend, and I forced him to hook me up.  I dragged my own girlfriend along for moral support, and everything was going very well until we made a pit stop at Friendly’s for ice cream and she ordered clam chowder.  Needless to say, I never saw him again.

My second double date also took place in college.  My then-boyfriend’s then-roommate was dating my then-roommate and they guilted me into having “couple time”, which consisted of my boyfriend and I feeling extremely uncomfortable while my roommate dry-humped her boyfriend in a booth at Ruby Tuesday.  I didn’t even think this was physically possible, as she was sitting on his lap, facing him in the booth.  I of course made my boyfriend take me home right away and don’t think I ever fully recovered.

I guess that my choice of past boyfriends has made it easy for me to duck out on the whole “double dating” thing, as most were too nervous for me to meet their friends because they were either cheating on me or because they thought I was too fat to take out in public.  This was totally fine with me, as I find the whole concept of double dates pretty much the most annoying thing ever.  It seems like most of these excursions simply turn into pissing matches: who has the best sex, who makes the most money, who can be most obnoxious with the pet names, who can publicly cuddle the longest without making the other people at the restaurant vomit, et cetera.  But now that I am older, and everyone I know is a couple, and some of my friends are actually dating people I like, the double date phenomenon is now creeping into everyday life.

Recently I have begun meeting my boyfriend’s friends and their fiancées, wives, and significant others.  Since I have never met them before, and I am one of the more socially awkward girls in the greater Boston area, I find it helpful to consume at least one bottle of wine prior to their arrival.  This way, I am much, much more relaxed, and definitely more charming.  I also like to think of at least ten questions I can ask said couple beforehand. Even though I never ask said questions because I’m too hammered to remember them, it’s nice to have a fallback conversation at the ready.  I include the following in my arsenal: How did you meet?  What do you do?  What is your favorite fast food restaurant?  What are your thoughts on group sex?  Fine, I was kidding on that third one…

When said couple arrives (my boyfriend loves to entertain so therefore I have been doing a lot of entertaining since my apartment is bomb), it’s also important to have good music playing.  This way it’s not too quiet and you can impress them with your eclectic tastes.  For example, I incorporate a healthy dose of folk-rock with some Britney.  If the latter goes unappreciated, at least I can enjoy the music I really like while they talk about stuff that happened in high school or current events, two things that I absolutely have no knowledge of. 

As the date progresses, and the guys huddle together to talk about guy stuff, and the girls pore over important things like makeup and hair, it’s also helpful to make sure you’re on common ground so you don’t have any awkward moments.  For example, lots of girls don’t think it’s funny to talk about sleeping around, or to compare boyfriends’ penis sizes.  I learned this the hard way, so it’s best to stick with more innocuous subjects.  This is often hard for me, because I only have insight regarding four topics of conversation: boys, makeup/hair, food and TV/movies.  If people aren’t interested in these things, I don’t really have much to say.  

Luckily, all of these people that I have met have been really cool and not scary at all.  It’s a big adjustment, meeting new people and all of that, and I’m fortunate it’s gone pretty well.  But I definitely still recommend the whole bottle of wine thing…