From Her Perspective

My roommates and I have been discussing a phenomenon that, unbeknownst to us, has been taking place every year as soon as we have to start wearing gloves.  We end up hunkering down with someone who we may or may not be super attracted to from around Thanksgiving to the time that the weather turns nice again.  The person is sometimes cool, sometimes not really, but it’s a warm body and a willing sex partner to get us through the evenings and weekends when it’s too cold out to go out and actually pick up a guy.  A Winter Warmer, if you will.

Webster’s defines “Winter Warmers” as the males or females that you keep around from November to April or so (whenever it’s temperate enough to start playing softball again) because it is too cold to actually go out and find someone new.  This is not to say that this person won’t actually end up being someone you want to be with once the parkas come off, but this is the time of year when sometimes, you can’t afford to be so choosy.  What?  It’s really freezing!  The dictionary also defines “Winter Warmer” as the best type of Harpoon beer and the only one I can drink, but I digress.

Basically, winters in New England suck.  Yeah, they’re picturesque or whatever, but once the New Year hits, there really isn’t anything to look forward to until the spring thaw, when we can bust out the floppers (flip flops) and tank tops again.  But until then, we spend a good amount of time in our apartments, ordering Chinese food in our sweatpants and watching reruns of 90210 and Family Guy.  It’s just too miserable outside to do anything else.  Well, except for the rare occasions when you trek out to the bars in three feet of snow, bundled in Ugg boots and seventeen layers of fleece and at that point, you are too soaked and chilled to want to talk to anyone but your equally miserable roommates, anyway.

One starts scouting around for Winter Warmers right about this time of year, before all the craziness of the holidays.  It also works out well because you may even be able to bring this person to your crappy holiday work party and avoid all of your creepy coworkers all night.  And it’s too soon into the “relationship” to talk about presents so you don’t have to buy him/her anything.  Except condoms.  Ew!!

Where to find these Winter Warmers?  Well, I only find the guys I date at bars (except for that odd incident when I met a guy on the train because he called me out after I accidentally punched some chick in the nose.  Long story.), but I am sure that you have your particular places that you like to go, where the chicks/guys are cute, and relatively easy, and it’s not that hard to find someone you like enough to bring home in a Jack-induced haze.  Or caffeinated.  Or something else, because maybe not everyone is as dependent on controlled substances as I am.

Once you find this person, make sure there is at least one redeeming quality.  For example, maybe they are really funny.  Or really hot.  Or really good in bed.  As long as there is something about them that you can stand to deal with over the next few months, you should be fine. You can decide if they are a good enough match to keep around long-term once you can turn the heat off.  Until then, it’s a reason to get dressed up every so often, and something to do on Saturday nights, when there is really nothing going on, anyway.

Hopefully, you will all be lucky enough to get to spend your freezing nights with someone who gets you implicitly, and for me that is someone with that perfect combination of chivalry and an appreciation for objectifying the female form.  Basically, someone who will hold the door for you and smack you on the ass as you walk through.  Now that is a dream guy.  But if not, I at least hope he or she likes to watch Family Guy for six hours at a time with a box of Elio’s pizza and a bottle of Mountain Dew.  Good luck!