From Her Perspective
PDA
I was taking the train to work this week, minding my own business, when all of a sudden I was knocked out of my lack-of-caffeine daze by a newlywed couple about my age who thought it was imperative to hold one another and rub each others arms and backs and coo over how cute the other was. Not only was I appalled that this was happening three inches away from me, but that they were completely ignorant to my stares and pokes with my book in order to get them to stop. Granted, young love is very sweet, but isn’t there a limit as to what the general population should have to tolerate? It made me start thinking back, to when Manzo said that after a certain age PDA should stop completely. I both agree and disagree. Hand holding is fine, it’s sweet. Tongue baths on the bar are not. There are shades of gray as to what is unacceptable and what needs to stop. And before everyone gets all uppity, yes, I have committed some of these PDA crimes, and the PDA Police totally kicked my butt.
Old person PDA is okay. Watching Grandma and Grandpa hold hands and kiss one another like little birds is acceptable. That’s very cute, actually. But anything more is completely sick and wrong. Not that I have actually seen this, but I can imagine. Ew, now I am plagued with visions of denture swapping and things that shouldn’t be dangling or loose swinging around in the breeze. Now you are, too – ha ha!
High school PDA is obnoxious, but kind of funny. Everyone is a bad kisser when they are young. Well, except you, of course. But to see these kids making out in the mall or whatever is hilarious because they think they are so grown-up and cool. And they have to get as much fun in as they can before Mom and Dad pick them up in the minivan. So we’ll say high school PDA is both harmless and okay.
College party PDA is gross. This is mostly because at this point, nobody has any inhibitions left and is pretty much doing whatever they feel like doing, regardless of whether or not their friends are around. But since you usually know the people who are doing it and can make fun of them for years to come afterward, let’s give this one a free pass. Especially because College Party PDA inevitably turns into Last Call PDA once these kids turn 21 (or get a good fake) and let’s face it, watching your buddy fat tongue with an ugly chick is a gift that keeps on giving.
Ugly couple PDA is not okay. This one really gets me. Most people, at some point or another, have a boyfriend or girlfriend. This is not a new concept. However, it seems as though really ugly couples want to go out of their way to show the world that they, too, are getting some tail, and on a regular basis, thankyouverymuch. But, really, it’s gross. We are all really excited that you have found this great person to nerd around with, really, but can we keep that physical stuff private, please? Some of us plan on having sex ourselves sometime in the near future… behind closed doors, of course.
First Date PDA is sort of cute. It’s usually awkward and sweet, which isn’t that unbearable. This type of PDA normally doesn’t extend much beyond kissing, so if you are forced to see this behavior, it won’t be too disgusting. We’ll say that one is okay, too. (Mostly because when I go on first dates, as rare as those are, I almost always end up committing this infraction. What?!)
Newlywed PDA is not okay. I mean, I guess I understand why this happens. The whole “starting a new life together” thing is really exciting and all, I get it. But do you have to be so annoying about it? Everyone knows you think this person is the cutest in the world. That’s why you married them. So don’t have one of those stupid “you’re the best” “no, you’re the best” lame-o fights in public because it is likely that everyone within earshot wants to hit you.
I know we all pretty much think PDA is disgusting and it’s nothing that anyone but a creepy voyeur wants to see. But we have all done it at some point, mostly to our embarrassment the next day. If it happens, whatever, everyone makes mistakes. But if you are a repeat offender, then watch out. The PDA police will be all over you, and definitely not in a good way. At least not as good as that hideous loser that you were all over last night… hey-o!