Fake Glenn Ordway Interview

FAKE INTERVIEW ALERT: THIS IS A FAKE INTERVIEW. WE DID NOT SPEAK WITH
GLENN ORDWAY. THESE ARE NOT HIS OPINIONS, ANSWERS OR ANYTHING ELSE.
THE STAFF OF BARSTOOL SPORTS ANSWERED THE QUESTIONS HOW WE THINK THE BIG O WOULD ANSWER THEM IF HE TOOK A TRUTH SYRUM.

To say that Boston is a sports town is an understatement. Our city has some of the most passionate fans you'll find anywhere in the world. And as a result WEEI has become the most successful and powerful sports talk radio station in America. Barstool Sports was lucky enough to have a chance to sit down with the The Big Show's Glenn Ordway to pick his brain on several subjects from his feelings on the local media to his feelings about the Weiner Whiner Line.

Barstool Sports- First of all, Glenn thanks for doing this interview with us. To be honest, I didn't think you'd even know who we were.

Glenn Ordway - Not a problem. I only work 3 hours a day so I have lots of spare time. I'm glad I could help.

Barstool - What makes good talk radio?

Ordway - There are a bunch of factors involved. First and foremost, you need a city that cares about their sports teams. If we did the Big Show in Atlanta or LA it probably wouldn’t work. Second, you need a great host. Look at what happened with Sean McDonough when he tried to compete against me. He is a great broadcaster and he had great guests, but I still kicked his ass in talk radio. It’s not as easy as it seems.

Barstool - What is your job as Big Show host?

Ordway - My job is basically to make sure people are always arguing about something. And I need to make it seem like the future of mankind hinges on whatever it is we are discussing.

Barstool - How important do you think you are to the success of the Big Show?

Ordway - I’m the straw that stirs the drink. I really am. I’ve been the only constant at WEEI over the years. Despite the fact that I’m forced to use 2nd rate guests since we can’t get the Globe guys anymore, the show still gets more popular every year. I can almost guarantee that nobody would even know who Steve Buckley, Shawn McAdam or Michael Felger was without me. And look at when 1510 tried to compete with us. They had all the big names and I still kicked their ass. Maybe my greatest accomplishment is that I basically created the Pete Sheppard character from scratch. He’s my puppet. I molded him like a piece of clay into one of the most popular personalities in the area. They don’t teach this shit at the Connecticut School of Broadcasting.

Barstool - Speaking of 1510 what are your thoughts on Eddie Andleman?

Ordway - Well, obviously, I hate him. But wouldn’t you? He has basically called me every name in the book and says that I steal money from fundraisers. The bottom line with Eddie is this; I have his old job. He used to be the #1 guy in Boston Sports Radio. Now I’m bigger than he ever was. Eddie is like an athlete who stays 20 years past his prime. He’s lucky if he’s got 10 guys listening to his show. And it’s not because it’s on 1510. It’s because he sucks. Eddie has totally lost his fastball. It’s time for him to retire to Florida, eat Chinese food and play shuffleboard.

Barstool - How much money do you think you should make?

Ordway - The Big Show is the #1 radio show in America and my compensation should reflect that. Hopefully, Jason Wolfe is reading this. As I said earlier in this interview, the show simply wouldn’t work without me. Dennis and Callahan are each making half a million dollars for their morning show. Just like Pedro, I need respect. This isn’t a Bob Neumeier situation here where people are going to listen no matter who the host is.

Barstool - Where would you go if you left WEEI?

Ordway - Hmm, that’s a little problematic. I can’t go to 1510 because I refuse to work for minimum wage. And I can’t go National because I don’t watch any sports outside the Boston market. God forbid, I actually need to start watching the NBA Finals, Final Four and other events that I just don’t care about. So I guess I’m kind of stuck at WEEI huh? Let’s hope that doesn’t effect my bargaining position.

Barstool - Who is your least favorite regular guest on the Big Show?

Ordway - Steve Burton drives me nuts. The guy shows up to the studio in a full suit and starts name dropping from the second he walks in the door until the second the show is over. I think he honestly believes that the reason athletes speak with him is because he is a cool guy and not the fact that he is a reporter. Also, he always feels like he’s got to laugh the loudest or make the biggest stink to get noticed. He brings absolutely nothing to the table.

Barstool - Do you think that many journalists, including many of your guests write stories just to create controversy?

Ordway - Without a doubt. And if I was a fan I’d be pissed about it. Luckily many of our listeners are either to stupid to realize this or just don’t care. It is still one of the things that amaze me about doing the show. I can’t believe how people get so upset by articles that were clearly written just so we’d invite the writer on our show. John Tomase did it the other day and Buckley and Felger do it almost everyday. It’s good for The Big Show as long as people continue to react like these guys don’t have an agenda. And judging on how long Shaughnessy and Borges have gotten away with it, I don’t think anything will be changing anytime soon.

Barstool - What is your feelings regarding the Internet and websites like Sons of Sam Horn and Dirtdogs?

Ordway- Obviously, I bash places like that on the show because I view them as competition. When Curt Schilling is breaking news via the Internet that is bad for us. Our goal is to force people to get their sporting news from us. These new Internet sites give people who don’t feel like listening to us argue about nothing or who don't want to listen to our stupid callers a legitimate alternative to tuning us out.

Barstool - Do you think your listeners are stupid?

Ordway - I don’t think our listeners are stupid, but I’d say 90% of our callers are stupid. I mean how many times can I explain to Ed from Dorchester that the Twins aren’t going to trade Johan Santana for Mark Bellhorn straight up. In an ideal world we wouldn’t even take calls but the guys/psychopaths who do call are also are most hardcore fans so we can’t alienate them.

Barstool - What is your thoughts regarding the Weiner Whiner Line?

Ordway - It’s sort of amazing that this is the most popular part of the show. It’s sad to think that so many losers plan their day around trying to get on the air for 10 seconds. And the real sad thing is that we’re lucky if we get one funny rant every few days. I love it when people say my job is easy. I dare somebody to fake laugh 5 days a week at the same fat jokes every single day. It gets real old real fast. Sometimes I think I’m an actor more than anything else.

Barstool - Who is the most knowledgeable guest/host on the Big Show?

Ordway - It’s my boy, Pete Sheppard. Pete plays a big fat stupid Italian character on the show. In reality he is a very intelligent sports fan. Yes, he’s still orca fat but he knows his stuff. He is the only guy who actually watches sports both on a local and national level. He’s also a degenerate gambler so he knows about teams and stats that only a degenerate would know about.

Barstool - Do you root for the Boston Sports teams?

Ordway - Not really. I’m obviously invested in what happens because it directly affects my job. But I’m just as happy when the Sox are losing and the Patriots suck, as I am when they are winning. Despite how much we grill Shank Shaughnessy for rooting against the Red Sox, I always want the home town teams to struggle. I built the phrase “Fellowship of the Miserable” because it was good for the show and good for ratings. I think if we have two more years of success it could kill the show.

Barstool - Do you consider yourself a sports fan?

Ordway - Again, I work in sports but I wouldn’t consider myself a “typical” fan. The reason I watch the games has nothing to do with passion or love of the hometown teams. It’s all about business. Also, I don’t pay attention to anything that doesn’t involve the local teams. So if you hear me talking about players from other cities you can pretty much bank on the fact that I’m making it up as I go along.

Barstool - How was it growing up in Lynn?

I got picked on a ton. Imagine being in the cable club at Lynn Classical High School. I was the guy sitting alone in the stands announcing our football and basketball games. Needless to say I was lucky to make it through a day with my lunch money. And I didn’t get laid without paying for it until I got a job with the Celtics.

Ordway - Why do you wear turtlenecks all the time?

I’m a fat guy from Lynn, MA. This is like Armani for me.

Barstool – Okay, last question. Are you nervous that the Barstool Sports Radio Hour is going to eventually compete with the Big Show?

Ordway - I did listen to your show last week. I’ve got to say that you guys really have something there. Luckily for me you’re on 1510 so the signal only can be heard in a 10 mile radius or else I’d be sweating bullets.

Barstool – Well Glenn, we really appreciate you doing this interview with us. It’s tough to get big name guys to sit down with us so we appreciate it. Best of luck in the future.

AS A REMINDER THIS WAS A FAKE INTERVIEW