The Enemy Perspective

Seeing that Barstool Sports has always prided itself on being “fair and balanced”, it seems appropriate that with Opening Day a few days old, we fire-up a little Yankee Talk to start the ’05 season. This will be fun for the whole family, trust me. Probably more fun if you’re from a Yankee family but that’s not the point right now. So, regardless of your affiliation, it’s time to meet the team whose one and only purpose in life is to end the 5 year drought, and bring a World Series back to the Bronx.

Let’s start with some of the new faces. First off, the starting pitching has been upgraded from a year ago. Lieber, El Duque and Vazquez have been replaced by Carl Pavano (long time Yankee fan), Jaret Wright (Yankee killer ’97), and “5-time! 5-time!” Cy Young award winner, Randy Johnson (Yankee killer - 1990’s). On paper, these new additions, along with Mussina and Pitcher X, make this the best staff in the American League. Although some believe this to be true, I don’t see a Weaver/Vazquez redux in either Wright or Pavano, especially Pavano, who’s coming off an impressive 18-8, 3.00 ERA year down in Florida WHILE DATING Alyssa Milano the whole time on the side. (“Samanthaera!”) Handling distractions in New York should not be a problem for ole Carl unless of course Judith Light becomes available. Then that’s a whole different ballgame.

As far as Johnson, who won 16 games with the hapless D’backs last year, the man’s a mortal lock to win 20 games in New York, and gives the Yankees a bona fide ace in October, something they lacked a year ago. I know at 41 he could break down at any time, but he better not because A., I drafted him 8th overall in my fantasy league, and B., I think Torre has literally already penciled him in to start Game 1 against the Red Sox, and then again to close it out in Game 5 at Fenway. If necessary, of course.

Some of the other “new guys at work” include: late 90’s stolen base king Tony Womack (Yankee killer ’01), RH reliever Felix Rodriguez, ex-Yankee LH reliever Mike Stanton, and none other than former Yankee manager Stump Merrill, who, as the new special assistant to the General Manager, is now one notch below Brian Cashman and one notch above George Costanza on the Yankee Organizational Chart. Good to see the man at the helm of the worst season in Yankee history back making decisions. (??!!)

Aside from Johnson and Pavano, the Yankees’ most important off-season move has to be the reacquiring of God’s replacement in 1996, Tino Martinez. Now I’m not banking on anything out of Giambi other than trips to the DL and inning-ending double plays, so I’m expecting to see Tino starting at first base sooner rather than later. But more than his stats, I can sum up what Tino brings to this ball club in just one word: courage, dedication, daring, pride, pluck, spirit, grit, metal, and G-U-T-S, guts! (“Airplane” reference #2.)

And if you don’t think Tino is excited to be back, listen to this quote from a few weeks ago. Yankee fans, grab a Kleenex.

"The Yankees were the only team for me” said Martinez, “I figured if I was going to motivate myself to work out all winter, it would only be for the Yankees. There was no point going somewhere else just to play a year or two to finish out my career. It was pretty much the Yankees or else retire."

Sniffle... Sniffle... Talk amongst yourselves... Here’s a topic: Why don’t you hear players say that about the Red Sox? Discuss…

Whhheww. Okay, I’m back.

In addition to the above maneuvers, the Yanks also signed some guy named Wang who went 3-0 with a 1.00 ERA this spring. He’s starting the year in the minors but I could see him getting called up after Pitcher X gets rocked a few times and punches himself in the face.

So those were some of the important pickups. What about the key losses? Well I don’t see any game breakers in Tony Clark, Lofton, Lieber, Heredia, Olerud, Vazquez and Cairo, so I’m not sure you can say the Yankees had any “key losses”, on paper. The real loss, however, is one that you won’t find on any off-season transaction list. The real loss is a psychological one. As soon as the final out was made in Game 7, the mental edge the Yankees had over the Red Sox in every big game for the better part of a century was destroyed. It was evicted, if you will, from Yankee Stadium. It was never a curse or a hex, or anything supernatural; it was always the intangible aspect of competition the Yankees owned that gave them the upper hand. All the greats had it. Bird had it. Tyson had it, pre-Tokyo. Hell I had it for years in Sega Hockey. But like Giambi’s nuts, that edge has now vanished, deep into the Bronx night and won’t be seen again for a long, long time.

As far as the returning players go, I’d like to touch on a few - first and foremost, Rivera. If there’s one thing I do NOT want to see this year, besides “Fever Pitch”, is Mariano Rivera in the 8th inning of ANY GAME. Ever! This is not Rivera ’99, the man’s 35. And with a $200 million payroll and 15 setup men in front of him, he shouldn’t have to. Stanton, F-Rod, Gordon, Quantrill and a supposedly healthy Steve Karsay SHOULD suffice in eliminating the 2-inning saves that Torre keeps trying to pull off.

Speaking of Torre, I don’t like the batting order. Why is Jeter leading off, Arod 2 and Womack 9th? First of all, $200 million players should not bat 2nd. I’d like to see him at least try Womack at leadoff, then go Jeter, Arod, Sheffield, etc. Last year Womack and Jeter nearly had identical OBP’s and Womack had 3 more steals. But hey, what do I know? I’m 0 for 7 in fantasy baseball leagues and Joe Torre has 4 rings in 9 years! Although I didn’t start Pitcher X in Game 7…

As far Arod himself, put it this way - right now Arod is third behind Kim Jung Il and Vladmir Putin on my “people I trust in a big spot list”. He was HORRIBLE in Games 4-7 of the LCS. Horrible. It was painful to watch. The thing is, he couldn’t hit in the clutch all year, why was everyone surprised when he gagged in the LCS? I don’t know. But I DO know that I’ll be watching my $149 Comcast MLB Extra Innings, extra-closely, to see how Arod performs when the game’s on the line, even if it’s in May versus Detroit.

My final analysis is this: Yes, the amount of pressure on this Yankee team to win a World Series dwarfs any other team in baseball history. And yes, their average age is 75. But, with Tino back in New York, Randy Johnson on the mound every 5th day, and a sense of purpose to this season I’ve never felt before, I think it’s reasonable to foresee championship banner #27 being raised in Yankee Stadium sometime next April. If not, I want Torre fired immediately, Cashman gone and Stump Merrill driving them both to the airport. Pronto.