Dirty Dancing

Dirty Dancing

As your office copy machine braces like Michael Jackson in his first prison shower, I’d like to take this opportunity before Monday morning’s bracket barrage to submit some “no holds barred” thoughts on this year’s Big Dance, as well as a few jaded memories from NCAA tourneys of years gone by. As the title suggests, some of these thoughts may be a little, unsavory, but for the most part, its clean, wholesome, family entertainment. After all, what else would you expect? (Note: Although gambling IS mentioned once or twice here, this is NOT a gambling related article. Apparently I was working on 5 in a row and single-handedly becoming the “9th Sign of a Degenerate”.)

- Let’s get this one out of the way first - Boston College is going nowhere in the NCAA tournament. 1 seed or 2 seed, it doesn’t matter. How the heck do you lose by 20 points at home to a mortally wounded Pitt team with the Big East title on the line? Someone explain to me what I’m missing with this team. Besides the Syracuse game, I cannot find a single quality win the Eagles have had in the past 5 weeks. Notre Dame – loss. Villanova – loss. Pitt – loss. Thank god for Seton Hall and Rutgers twice or else things REALLY could’ve gotten ugly towards the end. Listen, I have nothing against BC other than I hate them, it’s just that “Sweet 16” isn’t the first thing that comes to mind when you talk about BC’s less than stellar performance down the stretch.

- Bracketology 101: Before any of your 500 brackets are filled out, please be sure to check the CBS announcing schedule and see where the heck they’re sending good ole Gus Johnson. It’s absolutely uncanny how many ridiculous upsets Gus has called through the years - starting with the UCLA/Princeton shocker from ’96 all the way to last Sunday in Columbus where Illinois dropped its first game of the season. There’s nothing more demoralizing than hearing Gus’ voice if you have the higher seed in the first two rounds of the tournament. Nothing. It’s a completely helpless and depressing feeling, especially if the game’s early in the first half. Of course the opposite is true if you happen to have the underdog, so step 1 on Monday is to locate the “Gus Johnson bracket” and start penciling in 11-15 seeds right away.

- Led by senior center Guillaume Yango, I’ve officially dubbed this year’s Pacific squad “Yango and Cash” for the way they’ve managed to cover the spread in virtually every game. It’s been unbelievable. Favored by 6.5, they win by 7. Favored by 11, win by 12, favored by 12.5, win by 13. If it wasn’t for these guys, I wouldn’t be able to afford the $6 sandwiches I have every night for dinner. The Tigers are currently ranked 17th in the country at 25-2, and have not lost since December 18th. In ’04, they knocked off a certain Providence team in the 5-12 game, and this year they’ll be looking to advance even further, probably as a 6 or a 7. True, playing the Long Beach States of the world doesn’t exactly boost your strength of schedule, but nevertheless I love “Yango and Cash” in this year’s Big Dance. Unless of course Gus is calling their first round game…

- Unlike BC, Illinois is obviously a lock for a #1 seed, but it’s about time we put to rest any comparisons between the Illini and the ’91 Vegas squad. It’s not even close. That UNLV team had 3 of their starting 5 selected in the Top 12 of the NBA draft in Larry Johnson, Stacy Augmon and Greg Anthony, plus, George Ackles was taken in the 2nd round and Anderson Hunt signed as a free agent. The one blemish on their record was arguably the most blatantly fixed game this side of the Black Sox when they “lost” to Duke (a team they defeated by 30 in the ’90 title game) in the semifinals. Remember the pictures of Anderson Hunt, two other Rebel players, and alleged mob soldier Richie “The Fixer” Perry in a hot tub together?? Come on, the guy’s f’n nickname was THE FIXER. Illinois may in fact win it all here in ‘05, but the ’91 Vegas team was still a superior club.

- Everyone has a favorite NCAA pool story. Mine was from 1996. I was in Father Stokes’ “Old Testament 201” class as a sophomore in college where I had the world’s first “bracket revelation”. That’s right, I was filling out my bracket completely hungover in the back of the class when a strange feeling hit me like a sack of potatoes. SYRACUSE. It was almost out-of-body. SYRACUSE. I didn’t ask why, I just knew that for some reason, “The Cuse was in the house, oh my God, oh my God.” I think they were a 6-seed that year, definitely not one of the favorites, and solely based on that moment in class I rounded out my bracket with a Syracuse/Kentucky championship game with the Cats winning it all. Sure enough, as unlikely as it sounded on Selection Sunday, that proved to be the final result, and I won the pool. It took me months and months to finally explain the revelation, and after consulting with several Theologians, I was able to find my answer. Father Stokes was a scholarly looking, middle-aged bald man with glasses, and in the dazed, bloodshot state I was in that morning, I had mistakenly thought that in the front of the room teaching the class, was none other, than Jim Boeheim.

- Moving on, you ever burn a canoe? No?? Well after Providence beat Tennessee-Chattanooga in the 1997 Round of 16, about 300 of the Friar faithful (read: drunken college kids) ran out in the middle of the street and burned a nearby canoe. What was a canoe doing in Providence? Good question. But it was there and we lit it up. No one was injured or anything, just your ordinary canoe burning in the middle of a city street. Good times……until the Providence Police rolled in and pepper-sprayed our asses. Damn, that shit burned!

- Speaking of canoes, something is telling me this Villanova team is poised for a deep run in the NCAA tournament. They shoot 74% from the foul line, 37% from 3, they have three players averaging 15 a game (Ray, Sumter, Foye) AND oh by the way have only lost TWO games since January 20th when they beat Kansas by 20. Kansas by 20! Imagine if Erick Ebers was still around? Either way, if Villanova shoots like they’re capable of, I think this is scary, scary team.

- And finally, I’m looking forward to the Barstool Sports “March Madness” party at The Place next Friday. This has all the makings of a classic afternoon. Where else are you going to find all 16 first round games, smokin’ hot bartenders, free food, degenerate gamblers with 9 brackets in each hand, and the Big Brothers of Boston all in the same room? I’m setting the over/under at 2:46 for either a law suit, a dice game, or “Dance 360” to break out in front of the bar. Any takers?