Confessions of a Draft Addict
My name is Jerry, and I’m an NFL Draftnik. This isn’t easy to admit, but I’m glad I’m finally able to come clean. I’ve been living a lie for too long.
I’m not sure exactly when it started. But I know that I was just a school kid when I first studied up on an NFL Draft. It might have been 1976, when the Patriots had three picks in the first round (5. CB Mike Haynes, 12. C Pete Brock, 21. S Tim Fox). Or maybe it was1980 when they had two (14. CB Roland James, 25. RB “Lost” Vagas Ferguson). I just know that by the time I graduated high school, I was a full fledged Draft addict.
For a while, I was able to satisfy myself with just the draft previews in the Globe or Herald. Occasionally I’d lock myself in the bathroom with the Sports Illustrated capsule player profiles. Or I’d sneak into my brother’s room to look at his copy of Pro Football Weekly. But as I got older I started going out and getting the stuff on my own. I’d drive to a news stand in another town to buy Street & Smith’s Draft Guide, and I’d ask the clerk to stuff it inside a copy of Hustler so I could hide my shame from the world.
Eventually, getting my draft fix became easier. ESPN came along, and guys like me could score without leaving the house. Then the Internet revolution hit and I found myself with more draft info at my fingertips than I ever thought possible. That’s when it took over my life. Soon a thousand mock drafts weren’t enough, and one was too many. I started spending hours on end at the computer, pouring over results from the NFL Scouting Combine, but I was never satisfied. I wanted more. I needed more; everyone’s height and weight, their 40-yard dash times, 225 lb. bench press totals, 20-yard shuttle results and, of course, the all-important Wonderlic test scores.
All of this has put a terrible strain on my family life. Last year, NFL Draft Day was absolutely beautiful, just Chamber of Commerce weather. But I spent the day in front of the TV. The Patriots were carrying two first rounders and I had to get my Draft on. My sons wanted to go outside and play ball, but in a horrible “Cat’s in the Cradle” moment, I told them I was too busy to play with them. I knew it was wrong, but my I wasn’t controlling the draft; it was controlling me.
My lovely wife has suffered as well. First she caught me sneaking out of bed in the middle of the night to turn on the NFL Network. Then she found the web sites I’d been visiting but never erased from our hard drive: Nfldraftblitz, Ourlads, Nfldraftcountdown…the list goes on. Literally dozens of sites. Last week she innocently asked me if maybe I was spending a little too much time going over the data from the “3-Cone Drill” among Center/Guard prospects, and I completely lost it. “What are you saying?” I yelled. “Do you think I’m some kinda Draftnik? Well I’m not! D’you hear? Those guys can’t control it! But I can quit ANYTIME I WANT!!!”
That’s when I knew I’d hit rock bottom. I was forming opinions about guys I had never seen play. I was using words like “measurables” and trying to measure guys “immeasurables.” I was moving guys up and down my draft board even though they hadn’t played football in months.
This is what’s so addicting about the NFL Draft. Make up a mock draft and you’re on top of the world, an expert on a subject about which you know practically nothing. As long as you’ve got a mock draft; you’re an authority. Throw out a few key phrases like “tremendous upside” or “he plays with a high motor and has a nose for the football” and you’re a frickin’ genius. It’s like being the Scarecrow; all you need is for the Wizard to hand you a fake diploma and you’re spouting the Pythagorean Theorem.
Or more to the point, it’s like being a Star Trek nerd (except you like girls and beer). A lot of people watch Trek, but some live it and claim they’re a Klingon Admiral or something. That’s what calling yourself an NFL Draftnik is like. You can achieve something (draft expertise/ a commission in the Klingon Navy) without all the bother of actually having to do anything (build a real NFL team/ military training and exercise). All you have to do is learn the language of the Draftnik.
Let’s say someone drafts a Running Back. Don’t let the fact that you’ve never seen him play stop you. Just talk like an authority and people will be impressed. Say things like “Explosive first step. He hit’s the hole hard, and he has good field vision, but he lacks a second gear and will run too high. Plus, I don’t like his pad level.”
An Offensive Lineman? Try “He has a strong upper body and sustains his blocks well. Sound footwork and a good knee bend. I question his extension and his leverage.” This is great because no one knows if your right or not. I’ve been watching Matt Light for four years and I couldn’t tell you what his knee bend is like.
A good fake expert can even contradict himself and no one will notice. Say it‘s a Wide Receiver. “He has a quick burst and the ability to stretch the field. He runs good routes and makes good ball adjustments. Catches the ball in traffic. But drops are a problem and he runs lazy routes. Questionable ball adjustments.”
For a Linebacker or Defensive Lineman, again always mention a guys “motor.” Go out of your way to mention how he does at the “point of attack.“ Say things like “He has good acceleration and pursuit. Wraps up well. Good hands. Holds up well against the run.” And follow the trends. This year it sounds really cool to say “He’ll be better suited to be and Outside Linebacker in a 3-4 or a Defensive End in a 4-3.” Don’t worry what this means, just say it, and astound people.
For Defensive Backs, it never hurts to say things like “He could be a shut-down corner. He reads and reacts well.” But don’t be afraid to question the way a guy “turns out of his back pedal” or whether he has “fluid hips,” whatever those are.
So now I realize I have a problem, and I’m trying to get the Draftnik monkey off my back. I’m in recovery, taking it one step at a time. Hopefully it’ll be a quick first step, I’ll show good burst into the hole and make good moves in the open field. Ouch. This won’t be easy.