My Buddy From Ghana 2
A few months ago I wrote an article entitled “My Buddy From Ghana”, where I talked about different buddies that all of us seem to have -- “My Buddy in Vegas”, “My Buddy in Jail” and “My Buddy who Saw the Alien”, to name a few. Well we’re back today with another blockbuster edition. Again, pay close attention because you might be one of these people in your circle of friends. And if you have no friends, that’s okay too because one day you might, and it can’t hurt to be prepared.
“My Buddy Who Had the 3-Way” – Everybody’s got a Buddy who had a 3-way. Obviously. It’s the 90’s and that’s just simple math. Now if that buddy happens to be you, tremendous. If not, like I said it’s the 90’s and it’s bound to happen. The date of My Buddy’s said event was June 19th, 2000. The reason we know this is because he emails the story to us every year promptly on June 19th. According to legend, it was following an Allman Brothers’ concert “down the Cape”. After approximately 75 beers and 129 bong hits, My Buddy passed out. Naturally. Then all of a sudden - he was awoken by these 2 broads who proceeded to bang him. The end. There’s much more to the story but that’s the jist of it... Cue, “Whipping Post.”
“My Buddy Who Had the Under” – Ever watch a football game and see the score’s like 48-45? Well unfortunately Your Buddy Who Had the Under just got his head handed to him on that one. He always tells you before the game, too: “Dude I got the under.” Then sure enough David Klinger rises from the dead and its 35-30 at halftime. See, I quit betting unders a long time ago (2005) when I realized winning the bet wasn’t worth the pain and frustration you have to endure. Now I get to enjoy watching My Buddy Who Had the Under just as other people got to enjoy watching me when I had the under. God bless My Buddy who Had the Under. He’s a bitter and grizzled degenerate who doesn’t feel badly for anybody. And rightly so…
“My Buddy in Chicago” – Everybody’s got a buddy who lives in Chicago. And I’m sure you heard from him just before, but not after, the Superbowl. Sure it’s “My Kind of Town”, but not between October and March. My Buddy in Chicago for some reason thinks it’s a good idea for people to visit him when it’s 15 degrees here, and like 18 degrees there. Huh? I don’t understand My Buddy in Chicago. He’s a smart guy. I’d expect this more from My Buddy in Phoenix, but not from him. On second thought, I don’t have a buddy in Phoenix.
“My Buddy Who Has Herpes” – Everybody’s got a buddy who has herpes. That’s just a law of nature. Some buddies are ashamed of it, while others actually claim “it was worth it”. Unbelievable? Maybe. But I wouldn’t doubt me on this one. My Buddy Who Has Herpes is a cool dude. I forgot he even had herpes until I started this writing article, which shows the great progress we’ve made towards herpes in America. Or, just how bad my memory is…
“My Buddy Who Got Blown on a Bachelor Party” – Not necessarily HIS bachelor party and not necessarily the Buddy Who Has Herpes, but this is yet another staple in your group of friends -- The Buddy Who Got Blown on a Bachelor Party. It’s always a different version of the story each time you hear it though. The number of girls always goes up, and the price always goes down. The first time I heard the story from My Buddy Who Got Blown on a Bachelor Party it was 1 chick in the bathroom of a strip club for 50 bucks. That was 6 years ago. Today, it’s still in the bathroom of a strip club, that part hasn’t changed, but now it’s like 13 girls and the fare was “on the house”. “They liked me” is another late-addition to the story. Quite the character, My Buddy Who Got Blown on a Bachelor Party…. Always good for ratings.
“My Buddy Who was on (insert game show)” – Everybody’s got a buddy who was on a game show. Whether it was “Card Sharks”, “Paradise Hotel” or “Stump the Schwab”, we all know someone who was a contestant on a game show. Strangely though, we’ve never seen a dime. Why is that? Anyway I used to work with a guy who was on “Millionaire” back in the late 90’s. He stunk up the joint. More recently, my buddy had a buddy who was on “Jeopardy!” back in December and literally pulled a Cliff Clavin by blowing a ridiculous lead on Final Jeopardy. The question: what state east of Colorado has gained the most people since 1990? Answer: Georgia. Everybody got the question wrong but since he bet it all, he got beat. (For the record my favorite game show ever was “Card Sharks” because the question “Are you a dentist?” was an actual question asked to the 100 member studio audience. 2 out of 100, were a dentist.)
“My Buddy Who Still Raises the Roof” – Didn’t “raising the roof” go out of style like 4 years ago? At least, right? Well I still have a buddy who insists on raising the roof whenever possible. I’ve told the dude too, “Dude, you have to stop raising the roof. You’re embarrassing everyone.” But he doesn’t care. He keeps “raising the roof” each and every chance he gets. And he always has a big fat smile on his face too. Dance floors, ball games, wedding receptions, you name it. The man loves raising the roof.
“My Buddy, Whose Buddy Hooked Up with Hazel Mae” – A little change of pace here to end things. Doing research for this article, I found that nobody has a direct buddy who hooked up with Hazel Mae. But yet everybody seems to have a buddy, WHOSE BUDDY hooked up with Hazel Mae. Hey, I don’t quite get it either, but facts are facts. I’ve personally talked with 2 dudes who say “Their buddy’s buddy” hooked up with her. Now for all I know it’s the same guy, but not likely. I understand it’s a 3rd hand account, but My Buddy, Whose Buddy Hooked Up with Hazel Mae is not the type to just go around making this stuff up. Now if HIS buddy is, then we’re screwed, of course. But until then, I’m going with it.