A Bad Case of A-Rod's Disease

"I'm working through it…It's just like hitting. You go through little funks"---

- Alex Rodriguez

Let me be the first to declare that right now, in late July of 2006, a time in which he collected his 2,000th hit and became the youngest player in history with 450 home runs,  we are witnessing the beginning of the end of Alex Rodriguez’ Major League career.

It wasn’t more than a couple of years ago that I wouldn’t have had the stones to say something like that.  I’ve always been worried about how the words you use can cause thing to happen.  I’ve seen too many instances where an announcer says “He’s only five outs away from a no-hitter” and the next pitch is a base hit.  Or when they say, “Jablonski hasn’t missed an extra point in his last 50 attempts” only to see the poor doofus shank it off the side of his foot.  Or “Jackson is automatic at the free throw line…“ followed by a clang.

Ben Rothelisberger gave fifty interviews about how he didn’t need to wear a helmet or stop riding a motorcycle altogether before he kissed the hood of someone’s car at 75 M.P.H.  And do I need to remind anyone about Bill Buckner saying this before the 1986 playoffs: ”The worst nightmare is letting the winning run score on a ground ball going through your legs....."?

So I admit that by declaring Rodriguez’ career over at the age of 31 I’m sort of tempting fate.  This is the kind of prediction I’ve made my whole life that always blew up in my face.  Once upon a time, bold words like this from me would’ve resulted in A-Rod hitting a walk-off, World Series-winning home run and circling the bases in slo-mo while the light towers exploded over his head, Roy Hobbs style.  But now, to hell with it.  I stand by what I said.

A-Rod is through.  Finished. You read it here first.  The same guy who committed 12 errors in all of 2005 currently has 18, and we’re only 2/3 of the way through the season.  The errors are coming more often, and on easier, more routine plays than ever before.  During one four-game stretch last week he pulled off what I’m calling the “A-Rod Hat Trick.”  He made throwing errors on easy plays to first, to second and to home.  Only the fact that it’s nearly impossible for a third baseman to have a throw to third stood in the way of A-Rod pulling off the stumblebum Superfecta.

And there’s nothing physically wrong with him.  It’s just that his brain is tapioca.  The strain of being the world’s highest paid athlete, combined with playing in the world’s hottest media spotlight has completely fried his synapses, and he’s cracked under the pressure.  In other words, A-Rod has an incurable ailment. The yips.  He’s got Steve Blass Disease.

Wikipedia, defines it this way:
“’Steve Blass Disease,‘ also called ‘the yips,‘ has become, in sports jargon, a term for a psychological condition manifested when an athlete suddenly and inexplicably loses the ability to perform even basic functions in assignments he previously excelled in.” At the rate Rodriguez is going, I give it about two weeks before they change the name to “A-Rod’s Disease.”  I just hope they credit me with for diagnosing it.

By way of a quick history lesson, Steve Blass was a pretty damned good pitcher for the Pirates who won two games in the 1971 World Series, then suddenly lost the ability to throw the ball over the plate.  In ‘73 he posted a Julian Tavares-like 9.81 ERA.  By ‘74 he was in the minors.  By ‘75 his name was synonymous with being all messed up in the head.

That’s where A-Rod is right now.  And if a lifetime of following baseball has taught me anything, it’s that once you get the yips, you don’t get rid of them.  There is no known cure for Steve Blass/A-Rod Disease.  A few examples:

• Matt “Not Cy” Young- One of the worst signings in Red Sox history, Young had control issues for sure, but his biggest problem was an inability to throw the ball to first base on grounders or pickoff throws.  Even the smallest lead by a base runner could cause Young to throw the ball into the Sox dugout or in the general direction of the grounds crew.  Eventually bunting it to him was almost a guaranteed hit.  Then like only a true mental defective could, he lost a game in which he gave up no hits, which forced MLB to change the definition of “no-hitter” for the first time in like 100 years.
• Steve Sax-The Dodgers and Yankees second baseman was Rookie of the Year and a five-time All Star, until he  lost the ability to make the throw  to first.  His throws became so bad that fans sitting in the right field box seats started showing up wearing catcher’s equipment.  (John Henry, Ben Affleck, Stephen King…take note.  The Yankees are in town Aug. 18th.)
• Mackey Sasser- The catcher for the Mets never lost the ability to make the throws to second or third.  But he couldn’t throw the ball back to the mound.  Every return throw, the Mets pitchers had to make a Web Gem just to catch the damned thing.  Base runners caught on, and would take off for second when Sasser started to throw it back to the pitcher.
• Chuck Knoblauch- He went from a Gold Glove second baseman with the Twins to Chuck Mentalblock with the Yankees.  One errant throw hit Keith Olbermann’s mother in the head, tragically missing Keith Olbermann.
• Rick Ankiel-Next time someone tells you how smart Tony La Russa is, remind the guy how he started the 20 year old Ankiel in Game 1 of the 2000 NL Division Series.  In the third inning, Ankiel walked three and as Hazel Mae would say, “uncorked” five wild pitches.  So the genius La Russa went right back to the kid for Game 2 of the NLCS.  Of 20 pitches he threw, five got by the catcher.  Game 5: four batters faced, two walks, two wild pitches.  Ankiel’s Steve Blass Disease had a side effect which caused him to become what’s known as a “minor league outfielder.”

This is just a taste of what’s ahead for E-Rod. I guaran-damn-tee it.  This isn’t a “funk.”  It isn’t about working on his mechanics or wearing down over a long season.  This is a full-scale, all-out, put-him-in-a-paper-johnny nervous breakdown. 

Sure there was a time when I wouldn’t have said this because I’d fear the bad karma if I was wrong.  That in time, Rodriguez would get out of his slump, single-handedly destroy the Red Sox and make me pay.  But no more.  I’m convinced that the trials the Purple Lipped One are going through are karmic retribution for all the time in my life I’ve had to spend listening to Yankee fans rip the Sox best players.  Jim Rice can’t hit in the clutch.  Boggs isn’t a team player.  What’s Mo Vaughn ever won?  No-arm Garciaparra.  Overpaid ball-less wonders who are only out for themselves.

Alex Rodriguez is all those things, and his career is crumbling before our eyes.  Couldn’t happen to a nicer guy.