Barstool Sports

The return of Stoolie Voicemails on KFC Radio last night and you guys did not disappoint.

There's only one bad ass bitch in the game right now who could pull off the jean shorts thong, and thats this sex monster.

Of course he has a Starbucks alias. He's Derek fucking Jeter. If he wants to be known as Philip when he goes to Starbucks, he can do it. He can go by Henry when he makes a reservation at a restaurant or fucking Geoffrey with a G when he's checking into a hotel.

Practically speaking, free burgers for life in your hometown is probably one of the 3 best rewards you can get. Especially considering Charles Ramsey is just an asshole criminal who was in the right place at the right time

I can tell you what will make you forget about your petty little problems REAL fucking quick, and thats dropping into a K Hole. When you're falling through a bottomless pit and you can't remember if you're a human being or not I can promise you won't be worrying about whether or not your parents love you enough

How many bored ass married dudes would just ride the Love Train every morning pretending to be single? Kinda like when you were 13 years old and you went into AOL chat rooms and pretended to be a lesbian.